All my life, I’ve felt like I’m not where I “should” be, that I’m always behind, having failed in achieving a goal that some part of me obviously must have set.
A feeling of never doing enough.
As a young adult I noticed myself always walking very rushed, with my body leaning forward and eyes looking down. Like I was always late and rushing forward, not having time to take in the surroundings or people around me.
I was always chasing time and achievements. Like as if I was chasing myself. In my night-mares as a child, I was chased by witches.
These last years, since I’ve been running my own business, I’ve noticed I still feel like I should be further ahead than I am. Like I’m too slow, or just not able to make a career.
This idea of not having done enough is strengthened by the impatient comments from some of the people around me.
And some of the business coaches I’ve listened to seem to have the same philosophy of pushing hard and pushing through, running until exhaustion to get where you want.
The more I meet myself in yoga practice and life, I realize I’m not behind. I’m just getting better at following my heart’s agenda, rather than the dis-connected and lost voice programmed into my subconscious.
My heart has another agenda
Through the course of years of yoga practice, I’ve come to connect deeper with my heart and the “universal heart”, maybe it’s the same.
Connecting to the HEART is AWAKENING.
Awakening to the PRESENT moment.
Awakening to what’s important.
I now realize my heart’s agenda is what’s responsible for my slow-paced (that’s a judgement, not an absolute truth!) life and business growth.
What I want is to be more present with my life EXPERIENCE (not external achievements), to have time to process emotions, to grow into more wellness, harmony and peace of mind. To grow into a person that can serve other people better.
Rushing through life doesn’t make that possible for me.
I haven’t failed in achieving what my heart wants, although I’m failing completely according to the driven, pushing voice in my head.
My heart-felt intention is to live as fully, consciously, happy and loving as possible.
For me, that’s inner sustainability. And as the EXTERNAL world is just a REFLECTION of the INTERNAL world, inner sustainability will create outer sustainability; us humans coming into better balance with nature and people around us.
Obstacles don’t leave me behind
When I observe the course of my life; how my private life (i.e. relationships and daily chores) interrupts and influences my professional life, I’ve come to see how it’s all part of the same flow.
I used to see the “problems” and chores of my private life as disturbances from performing fully in my professional life. According to some ideal robot-planning that would be, where my humanity wouldn’t be part of the equation. According to that driven, pushing voice in my head, tiredness and emotions aren’t welcome, as they only cause delay.
Instead of looking at relationship troubles and disabling emotions as disturbances and obstacles on my road to growing my career, leaving me even more behind, I can see how these obstacles have to be there, providing all the lessons I need to learn to grow and thrive. And the space in between to reflect and rest my thinking mind.
I can never be behind. That’s just an illusion of the mind.
I am where I am and the big thing is not about achieving a certain goal, but to be as present as possible with the flow of life.
Live more fully (truly present).
Stop resisting the obstacles.
Stop judging or punishing myself.
I realize; obstacles don’t leave me behind. They take me where I need to go.
Put your heart in the driver seat
If you put the heart in the driver seat and ask: “what do you want heart?” you may get a completely different answer than you get if you ask your rational mind.
I would guess an answer that will make you happier and make the world a better place.
See if you can for just a moment completely forget about images of what you “should” want, influenced by marketing and people around you.
Rather ask yourself what you truly want in your heart.
It’s impossible to hear your heart’s calling if you’re stressed out and never take time to become still and quiet with yourself. If you don’t take the time to check in with yourself, you’ll be a “victim of circumstances”, directed by your subconscious mind and the influences of other people.
If you can’t make yourself be still and quiet right now, physical yoga practice can help you tremendously. Stick with it for a while and see what happens.
Yoga and meditation are my main tools to help me with my heart’s longing; it makes me more present and aware, helps me process, observe and allow emotions to flow through. It helps me be more stable, helps me handle anxiety and fear and brings more peace of mind and heart.
Maybe it can help you too.
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Ultimately, for your happiness & the health of your heart.